I Don't Want Lockdown to End

Before there is an outcry of BUT WHYYYYS hear me out. 

Like you, I'm excited for the shops and bars reopening, the chance to see family and friends without so many restrictions in place and also the feeling of freedom, we will have a choice about plans and how we'd like to spend our days. I'm so happy about that, it's finally here. There's only one problem, I don't think I'm ready. 

At the start of lockdown, my anxiety was haywire, from being on the verge of attacks to silently sitting with my brain going 10 miles so far in front of me with all the new rules and regulations the "new" soon became just "rules and regulations" that we all followed. 

When I would start to feel anxious my OCD would pick up speed and with that I found myself adding to my rituals, constantly washing my hands way more than Boris Johnston was advising us to do, needing a shower if a family member touched me to even washing all my clothes if I was traveling on public transport. I was even bathing in water that was so hot it would burn my skin because everyone always knows boiling water kills germs. I became so adjusted to this new way of living that I'm unsure what the "before lockdown" looks like anymore. Can you remember?

There's going to be so many people out and about the city center, public transport will be busier and this week since it was released in Northern Ireland when everything would be reopened I've felt this weight on my shoulders and kept thinking to myself I don't want it to end. I actually don't think I'm ready for things to go back to "normal." 

I've felt so anxious, unmotivated and when I finally told my boyfriend how I was feeling he was so understanding and said we can take things in our stride and not rush into going out or making plans to celebrate birthdays or anniversaries but instead we talked about the things we are looking forward to doing when we're ready.

I met him in February 2020 and then March 2020 saw us go into lockdown, after virtually dating for 4 months we went out again and things slowly went from there so we have plenty of missed dates to go on that we never got the chance which I'm very much excited about.

I know it is going to take a while to adjust back to the way things were but I know my mental health is going to benefit more out of lockdown than in and I know that's the same for many others. 

Are you ready for lockdown to end? What are you most looking forward to? Let me know below!