There were no raised voices, no drinks spilled and no rapid texting session, that's the way it normally happens on TV right? On New Year's Eve after a video call with my boyfriend, I was about to message my friend when I noticed on Facebook it said "Add Friend" I'd slowly been removed from all forms of social media. It seemed my besties and I relationship was well and truly over and I know a lot had happened that brought it to this.
Is there anything worse than a bestie breakup though? Even if you expect it's coming but still hold out a little hope whilst it feels you're clutching at straws checking in with them, it's a brutal heartwrenching feeling knowing you're losing them! What's worse is you can't even give them a text and explain what's happening with you because you're having problems with THEM!
Is it the memories you make together, funny memes you share, buying flip flops as your feet are burning after a night out dancing, or is it sharing the serious stuff that's been happening in your life, discussing your mental health, career or how you've been feeling since lockdown. Is it not sharing that stuff that causes a problem? Feeling like you can't discuss your mental health with them then the friendship fizzles out as you sink further down into lockdown life as there's no dating tales or coffee catch ups happening.
It was a lot to process for me when it happened as I kept thinking about all the things that happened during the time of our friendship but I've come to realise 6 months later that sometimes these things happen and I wish her the best. It has taken me time to move on and be okay with leaving it in the past and as I know it can be quite a lot when you're going through it I thought I'd write 5+ tips to help you adjust;
1) Don't look for closure
It's natural to look for a way to find closure but the truth is, there's no quick fix! It has to come from you and it will if you give yourself time to adjust. Try different distraction techniques to take your mind of things for awhile, read your favourite book, watch a movie or even take your self on a walk to help clear your head.
2) Write them a letter
If you're struggling and want to really to let it out, feeling angry at how things ended then consider writing it all down. Let all the words out as bottling them up can only make you feel worse but you don't need to necessarily send them the letter.
3) Keep their stuff
If you have a few items belonging to your ex-bestie, keep them in case they message wanting them back! There's nothing worse than binning something in anger then having to explain where it is! If they really want the items - they'll be in touch! I suggest giving yourself a time frame and if they don't message within that then get rid. I know it's harsh but if you've been removed from social media? The strings have been cut and there may be no other way to get in touch.
4) Forget about chasing them
Nobody wants a friendship to end, but don't put in more effort than necessary trying to recover what's been lost.
5) Give Yourself Time
There's no rush in finding another bestie, take some time out and recharge yourself. Think about starting a new hobby, put your time and effort into something positive.
6) No badmouthing zone
Even if the friendship ended on bad terms or quietly sizzled out, remember to have dignity, keep their secrets, and don't talk about them negatively. Remember the good times, the fun moments, and everything you else you both shared. Remain respectful and have hope they will to.
7) Try not to search their social media
I know it's hard, if you're like me who doesn't look at someone's social media then it's good but if you there are options to unfollow them but remain friends or else try to not get their updates incase it hurts looking at them being out with new friends.
8) Accept It
I know it can be hard to accept but, given time, all wounds will eventually heal. And if they have already removed you from all platforms of social media, they have already come to terms with it - they will rebuild on their own, and so can you!
Do you have any tips for coping with a friendship breakup? Let me know in the comments below.
